You’re at the right place for a list of funny things to say. We bet that you would sport a smile or burst out laughing as you go through each line.

Conversations get dull. Meetings drag. Group chats die tragically. That’s where a well-timed funny line swoops in, rescues the mood, and makes everyone question whether you’re quirky or just mildly unhinged (ideally both).

These lines are perfect for playing texting games your friends, sparking laughs at work, or tossing into any conversation that desperately needs a personality upgrade. 

Alright, enough talking. Let’s get to the good stuff.

Funny Random Things To Say In A Text

1. OMG! Did you know that barcodes scan the white part and not the black?
2. If ‘Fire’ is the opposite of ‘Water’ and ‘fly’ is the opposite of ‘fall‘, then why can’t Firefly be the opposite of ‘Waterfall’?
3. You know what’s creepy about Humpty Dumpty? They never said it was an egg.
4. The letter ‘x’ has more uses in Math than in the English language.
5. You have more ancestors than all your ancestors.
6. ‘Don’t you dare’ sounds normal, but what if you put it as ‘do you not dare?’
7. Envelopes are weird. It’s like here’s a paper wrapped in paper that I sealed with my saliva.
8. Butter is an edible lotion.
9. When you wait for a waiter, you become a waiter.
10. Horses run around on their fingernails.
11. Volleyball is just hardcore hot potato.
12. Have you ever wondered why your nose runs and your feet smell?
13. I just realised that I get to speak to my family members only when my WiFi network is down!
14. Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people.
15. I’m out of my mind. Shall be back in 5 minutes.
16. Try crying underwater and see if it's possible.
17. If you can’t laugh at yourself, I can help you out.
18. I respect the opinion of everyone who agrees with me.
19. I need a 6-month vacation twice a year.
20. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.

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Funny Things To Say To Your Friends

1. The only scenario where you really need a landline today is when you’re trying to find your mobile phone.
2. My mom said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.
3. I’m really good at stuff until someone watches me do that stuff.
4. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
5. My bed is a magical place that reminds me of everything that I need to do.
6. A good mood is like a balloon: one prick is all it takes to ruin it.
7. I stopped understanding Math when the alphabet got involved.
8. I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
9. He who wakes up early yawns all day long.
10. I’m not lazy. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.
11. I’m never late. The others are just too early.
12. Don’t drink while driving-you might spill the beer.
13. Doing nothing is hard; you never know when you’re done.
14. I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.
15. The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.
16. My bank account is on a diet. It’s getting thinner every day.
17. When I say, I’ll keep this a secret, it just means I’ll only tell my best friend.
18. Best friends are the only ones who know how truly weird you are and still answer your calls.
19. They say, 'Don't try this at home,' so I went to my friend’s home!
20. If money doesn't buy happiness, I want to be sad and rich.

Funny Things To Say At Work Meetings

1. Just to confirm: Are we solving the problem or scheduling another meeting to solve it?
2. The objective of this meeting is clear: to redefine the word “urgent.”
3. Let’s pause so we can all email each other about what we just discussed. 
4. We just don’t know what we don’t know.
5. I think I just hit my personal best for the number of emails ignored in one day.
6. This meeting could’ve been an email-or better yet, a text.
7. My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. Hence, I am using my paycheck.
8. Do we really need a meeting, or can we just send 47 emails instead?
9. I think I’m just going to put an “Out Of Order” sticker on my forehead today.
10. I’m retired. I was tired yesterday, and I’m tired again today.
11. On Fridays, I prefer my coffee to be as strong as my desire to leave work early.
12. If you see me talking to myself, I'm having a staff meeting.
13. Feel free to email me the task. I look forward to deleting it.
14. You don’t have to be crazy to work here. We will train you.
15. Don’t worry if Plan A fails. There are 25 other letters in the alphabet.
16. Why use 100 words in an email when a 1000 will do!
17. I’m great at multitasking. I can procrastinate and daydream at the same time.
18. Due to the current workload, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
19. Deadlines in schedules are closer than they appear.
20. The email was brief, much like your attention span when reading it.

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Funny Things To Say In A Conversation With Anyone

1. Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then it’s suspicious.
2. The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.
3. Hard work pays off in the future. Lounging on the couch pays off right now.
4. I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitoes find me attractive.
5. Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.
6. All my life, I thought air was free. That was until I bought a packet of potato chips worth $3.
7. Today I laughed until my abs got tired. Hence, I decided to skip the gym.
8. I didn’t fall down. I did attack the floor, though.
9. Think nothing is impossible? Try slamming a revolving door.
10. I might look like I’m doing nothing. But, in my head, I’m quite busy.
11. A balanced diet is like holding a dessert in each hand.
12. I’ve just discovered that Bruce Lee had a vegetarian brother - “Broco Lee”
13. I ran into a lamp post today….I only sustained light injuries.
14. While intelligence is becoming artificial, stupidity will always remain original.
15. The only thing I get out of Algebra is when I see X and wonder Y.
16. I try to have an open mind, but my brain keeps falling out.
17. 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
18. It's funny when you realise that while the cost of living is going up, the chance of living is going down.
19. A cookie a day keeps your sadness away, but an entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
20. Sure, alcohol doesn't solve problems. But then again, neither does milk.

Funny Things To Say To A Girl

1. I’m on a 30-day diet routine. So far, I have lost 15 days. 
2. By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose 87% of what little joy you still have left in your life.
3. Today I’m so dead tired that the bags under my eyes can be seen from space.
4. I never feel more alone than when trying to put sunscreen on my back.
5. If money doesn't make you happy, give it back.
6. There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number.
7. I’m not bossy. I’m just helping you improve.
8. Running in place will get you nowhere fast.
9. I don’t really need a hairstylist since my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
10. Try ordering a pizza 15 minutes before the New Year, and when it arrives, yell: “You’re late! I ordered this a year ago!”
11. Who runs the world? Girls who nap enough!
12. Have you ever wondered why Ariel’s hair was always dry every time she came out of the ocean in “The Little Mermaid”
13. If you were a phone from Apple, then you would be called iGorgeous.
14. Is your name WiFi? Because I feel a connection.
15. I don’t trip. I do random gravity checks.
16. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
17. Work hard so that you can shop harder.
18. A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to sushi and plastic surgery, never be attracted by a bargain.
19. If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.
20. The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Funny Things To Say To A Guy

1. Refusing to go to the gym is one of the best forms of resistance training.
2. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
3. Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow, they may recall your credit cards.
4. When someone asks, “Where do you see yourself in ten years?”, I’m like, “Buddy, I’m just trying to make it until Friday!”
5. People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.
6. I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ‘em later.
7. If you lend someone money and never see them again, it was probably worth every penny.
8. Alcohol and Calculus don’t mix. It’s never a good idea to “drink and derive.”
9. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
10. So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
11. If I’m not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.
12. If the phrase “You attract what you fear” is true, then “Oh my God, I’m so scared of $10.6 billion.”
13. Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
14. Can’t decide if I need a hug, an XL coffee, 6 shots of vodka, or 2 weeks of sleep!
15. I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.
16. If you were a triangle, you’d be an acute one.
17. You look like you can’t ride a bike.
18. I’m not short. I’m just more down-to-earth than most people.
19. It's interesting to note that a rush hour is called such when nothing moves.
20. I made a huge to-do list today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.

Conclusion

These funny things to say can help brighten someone’s day. A well-timed joke not only cheers everyone around, but it also helps to strengthen relationships and can make even the dullest meetings more meaningful and entertaining. 

However, while you joke, remember to strike a balance and ensure that you are not hurting anyone’s sentiments in the process. A joke, when taken well, helps in lifting spirits and uplifting the moods of the people around you. Likewise, when humor goes wrong, it can lead to awkward silences and, worse, can ruin your relationships. 

We hope that these funny things to say are taken in the right spirit and help you and your buddies to LOL.

FAQs about funny things to say

1. What are some funny things to say when someone interrupts you?

Some funny things to say when someone interrupts you could be:

• I can’t hear you when you interrupt me.
• Are you finished with my sentence?

2. What are some funny things to say when answering the phone?

Some funny things to say when answering the phone could be:

• You’ve reached the rejection hotline. Please hang up.
• Glad to hear your voice. My billing rate is $200 per hour. Can I have your credit card number so that we can arrange an appointment for you?”

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